Friday, August 29, 2008

GOP Desperation: Republicans Give Palin As Our Early Christmas Present

I have heard it called a real political gamble, and a bold move. It’s a gamble, all right. McCain is betting that women are brainless when it comes to gender. McSame's choice for VP is a big, fat, early Christmas present to the Democrats. Somebody remind me to send the GOP a thank you note! And is it just me, or is Palin somewhat reminiscent of Tammy Fae Baker? Sorry, just can't get that outta my head.

Podunk mayor of a town of 8,000, rising to governor of…Alaska? Endorsed by Newt Gingrich, (what a coup!) and the Republicans get a head start on the vice-presidency by finding a candidate that's already being indicted. Now that's a timesaver! ("Man, ya misuse your power one time by getting your ex-brother-in-law fired from his job as a state trooper, and everybody gets all bent outta shape...") One thing's for sure...she's a Republican!

"But, hey, she's a woman," GOP pundits say. Oooooooooooh! Big leap for Republican-kind. Yeah, that oughta rake in Hillary's 18 million votes. 'Cause she stands for all the same things Hillary stands for...right? Let’s see…She's anti-choice, pro-gun and part of a radical group (and an oxymoron): Feminists for Life. This group claims that when early feminists weren't busy fighting for reproductive freedom, they were busy being anti-abortion fighters. Are you friggin' kidding me??? Reproductive choice, control over our own bodies, was one of the hallmark issues of the early feminists.

Hobbies? Well, she hunts moose. Yeah. Hunts. Moose. Hunts 'em and skins 'em, according to girlhood hunting pals (ah, the stories our huntin' & skinnin' girlfriends could tell about how we spent our formative years...I believe they are using the soundtrack to "Deliverance" as the ticket's theme song.) We all know how Hillary loves to hunt.

And yet another oxymoron: she was appointed as ethics commissioner of the Alaska Oil and Gas Commission. Well, there's her GOP prereq: sleeping with the gas and oil industry for political gain. She loves the vast beauty and wondrous wildlife of her home state sooooo much, that Palin wants to drill for oil smack in the middle of it! Now, that's what I call devotion to your party - when you are willing to ruin the pristine land where you raise your children to support big oil's right to drill willy-nilly and make exhorbitant profits. Uh huh. Sounds a lot like Hill.

Seriously, though, let's look at the similarities the GOP claim to be so apparent. I can see myriads of parallels to Hillary in this Palin chick, can't you? Let's see how many we can name. Well, both are, biologically, women. Both have a uterus. And boobs. Hmmm...Short hair. And, let's see...Hey, kids! Yeah, both have kids, that's a good one. Um...look, I'm trying here...gimmie a sec, I'll come up with something. Uh...they both wear earrings? Oh, I know! They're NRA members. Whoops, nope. My mistake. Hillary sides with the NOW, not the NRA. Sorry, but I'm coming up a little short.

I JUST DON"T SEE IT! And with the name Palin, all I can think of is Monty Python...that's probably the most positive connotation I have toward this candidate. "But wait!" shout the GOP pundits. "She's a real modern gal, too! Just like you!" Oh, yeah she is, 'cause we all know that modern, thinking women support creationism and want it taught to all the public school children of the land. Plus, we're all smart enough to know that this whole global warming thing is just a crock o' bull. We modern gals believe that stem cells are for sissies, and would much rather have our beloved family members suffer from alzheimer's and M.S., the way God meant them to. Yep, we modern women won't let something that's such an abomination, like same-sex partners sharing health benefits, ever happen. In fact we'll support an amendment to the Constitution to fight it, just like Palin did. Now, that's the kind of institutionalized racism we modern feminists, like Palin, just love.

Palin is a real piece of work. "But she's a woman! Girls stick together! Didn't you little ladies want to vote for a woman?" Y'know, I always underestimate how stupid the GOP thinks women are. Of course, we're just supposed to see the candidate's gender and say, "Hey, to hell with choice, and getting the troops home, the collapse of the middle class, sending my kids to college, keeping my home and putting food on the table and gas in the tank. Let's just vote a GOP ticket 'cause she has tits, just like me! Yeah, I'm more than a little insulted. I am appalled. I am disgusted. And I am sick to death of the kind of pandering to which the Republicans will stoop to try to win this election. It's the pure desperation of a party grasping at straws to beat the Obama/Biden combination of charisma and experience. How about you? Whaddya think: freak decision, or political gamble? Or something else altogether?