Monday, January 12, 2009

Are You Kidding Me? Are You Friggin' Kidding Me??? Bush Takes No Responsibility For Any Actions In Office

Okay, so it's not a surprise. None of us actually though The Shrub would take responsibility for any of the messes he made over the past eight years. I didn't expect him to ask for forgiveness. I didn't expect that he'd admit many mistakes. I didn't even think he'd take any follow-up questions. But it has been a day of pure hubris and jaw-droppingly stupid claims that outdumb any day yet in the Bush administration. So, hang on, Politicos, here are some of the absolute shockers from the very last press conference Bush will ever have, Thank God!

1. "Yeah, I said they could what?" Not a direct quote, but definitely the sentiment. So, now we have the chain of command, with Bush stating that he even asked what torture methods were available before he got "legal" approval...from, of all people, Alberto Gonzalez. So much for Constitutional Law. Rather reminiscent of Nixon's "If the president does it, it's not illegal," don't you think?

2. The Federal response to Katrina (wait for it...) was not slow. Go ahead. Read it again in case you thought you'd read it wrong. See? That's really what he said. Bush actually thought the 3 day delay before he watched the nice little news summary DVD his staff put together - sort of a Weekly Reader version of the tragedy, if you will - was productive time. I guess if you were Condi, and bought new Ferragamo shoes on 5th Avenue and caught a play while you're away from D.C., it was terribly productive - terribly being the operant word here. Might want to ignore the bipartisan report that declared the response inadequate and sorely disgraceful in every way. Are we really back to the "Heckuva job, Brownie" rhetoric??? Man, we've come full circle on that one.

3. "Hard things don't happen overnight." Direct quote. Swear to God. Apparently, they don't get done over eight years, either.

4. Bush insists that he inherited the recession. Oh yeah, it's Hell coming into office with a record-breaking surplus in the bank. The fact that the first of two recessions started in March, 2001, after the inauguration of Bush into office, somehow contradicts the point, but, hey, what's a month or two one way or another? Worst economic outlook since Truman. Yes. Truman.

5. More jobs have been lost in Bush's term of office than at any time since WWII. Yet, Bush insists that he increased the number of jobs for Americans. Let's see...Clinton: 26 million jobs; Bush? 3 million. Heckuva job, Bushie. Heckuva job.

6. Bush criticized those who were "...worried about the Constitution," when they ought to be worried about homeland security and trading their inalienable rights for security via wiretaps, illegal secret searches and seizures, perusal of your video and library check-outs, innocent people on watchlists...need I go on, folks? (Inalienable rights, for the record, are rights that cannot be traded or transferred. Wow. Somebody should have clued Cheney in on that one a long time ago.)

7. Last but not least, an admission of error. The war wasn't a mistake, but the banner on the aircraft carrier was...Why? People misinterpreted it. Not his error. Our error. Our mistake. He shouldn't have trusted that we'd understand what he meant by that giant, red, white and blue banner. We went and assumed he meant the mission had been accomplished. Silly citizens. And that was the only concession, Ladies and Gentlemen, the only admitted error of his ways.

Oh, people, what a sad, strange, ignorant little man. The king of revisionist history. A modern-day, male Marie Antoinette. In a matter of a week, we will finally be rid of Alfred E. Neuman as President of The United States. "What, me worry?" Soon, Georgie, we won't have to. Welcome, President Obama and Vice President Biden. I can't wait to hear a President that speaks in complete, coherent sentences.

What Bushism blew you away the most today? And what are you looking forward to in the next administration? Post a comment and share your thoughts.